On Trust
Trust is an interesting concept and attribute. In my life it has always been easy to exercise trust toward those around me. Experience strengthens trust, but actions can also destroy or damage it. It is easy to forgive the ones we love. Trust contrastingly eludes easy recovery. Time and effort stand as trust's only allies through the vicissitudes of life.
Frustration
Why do the people that we love the most have the ability to make us feel the worst?
Effort
"Man finds nothing so intolerable as to be in a state of complete rest, without passions, without occupation, without diversion, without effort. Then he feels his nullity, loneliness, inadequacy, dependence, helplessness, emptiness."
(Blaise Pascal, 1623-1662)
Research
Yesterday I spent the entire day in University of Utah's Special Collections. I found some extremely relevent information for my thesis and left with a profound sense of accomplishment. It's looking like I might actually finish it. Yay!!
Wanderer above the clouds by J.D. Friedrich
Freedom and Responsibility
"Our whole social order could self-destruct over the obsession with freedom disconnected from responsibility, where choice is imagined to be somehow independent of consequences."
(Boyd K. Packer April 6, 1996)
Interpersonal Communication
The ability to communicate separates humanity from nature. I, for one, thrive on interpersonal communication. Not the generic, artificial kind that we put forth when we're too busy or too apathetic to really reach to someone else, but true communication where one person conveys to another their most intimate sense of existence. In truly trying to know someone, we not only communicate mind to mind and face to face, but one soul touches another. True communication leaves no question of motive or sincerity; it pushes through doubts and fears. In short, when we truly know one another and communicate one with another all parties are better for the experience. They are buoyed up in knowing that even if all the rest of the world fails, there is someone whom they know and who knows them, and that can make all the difference.
More on Stress
"
There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full."
(Henry Kissinger)
Stress
The question of the day is about stress. Why are human beings constantly accosted by anxiety? I really just don't know. I am beginning to feel the first tinges of strain about my thesis. Today I met with my thesis advisor and in mapping out my progress for the rest of the semester, we found that the time to write has come. I have approximately a month to finish this great marathon of academic achievement, and I'm scared to death.
I also just left my girlfriend in a state of utmost tension as she prepares for a midterm examination in Physics. I wanted to be able to help her so much, but I realized that one of the best things I could really do was leave her alone. She is amazing and I only wish I could do more to help her out.
Stress affects everyone in different ways. I like to try and ignore it. In contrast, I once had a orchestra director that thrived on stress. If the orchestra was too well prepared he would try and artificially create stress in order to augment his own level of achievement. Others try to walk that fine line between productivity and full blown mental breakdown.
Which brings me to my original question. Why do human beings experience stress. Is it an evolutionary trait? Is it the remnants of the fight or flight instinct? Is it something innate in our creation? Did God give us stress to propel us forward and push us away from laziness? Your answers are as good as mine. Good luck to all my readers as they face the stresses inherent in the vicissitudes of life.
Real Courage
"It takes courage and faith to plan for what God holds before you as the ideal rather than what might be forced upon you by circumstances."
(Henry B. Eyring, November 5, 1995)
Video Clue is Fun
Don't miss this game of intrigue, mystery, and more. :)
In One Year
My girlfriend asked me tonight where I thought we'd be in one year, and truthfully I had no idea where we would be--just some random thoughts about possible outcomes and perhaps a few hopes. The question, however, started me thinking about the future and the possibilities it might bring. I am currently awaiting word from various PhD programs around the country about whether they will accept me to come study history. I also have a few possible employment options for the summer. I have a beautiful, intelligent, and loving girlfriend who brightens my days and helps me aspire to greater goodness in my life. So to sum up my future with one word, I would say that the next year yields uncertainty--at least right now.
Uncertainty, at least at some level, has always terrified me, yet for some reason it keeps creeping into my life. At any moment when I start to feel like I understand the direction in which my life is headed, uncertainty rears its disruptive influence . I try not to be bitter; uncertainty often brings pleasant surprises. More often than not, I have been supremely blessed to meet great people, study at great schools, and find great jobs. Unfortunately, many unforeseen trials still cause me to fear the reality of life's uncertainty.
I guess I just need to accept the path that opens before me. I just wish I knew the end from the beginning, and I could see the result of my current affection and ambitions one year from now.
Comforting Idea
"When all is said and done, our success in life will not be spelled out in the money we make, in the honors we attain, in the plaudits of men, but in those virtues which become the essence of that which is greatest within each of us."
(Gordon B. Hinckley, April 27, 2001)
Memorial to my Uncle Bill
On Thursday Night, February 16, 2006, my beloved Uncle Bill passed away with his children and wife at his side. He was 78 years. I loved him very much. Uncle Bill had his flaws. He smoked a pipe for most of his life, and he could be gruff and impatient, but in some ways he was the sweetest man I ever knew. His nickname was SOB, but in his case it stood for Sweet Old Bill.
As a child I remember the wonderment that I felt every time we went to Uncle Bill's house. He seemed to be able to do almost anything; and truthfully, he almost could. He grew up in a bakery and had a great talent at baking pies, cakes, and anything else that your sweet-tooth desired. He worked at a nuclear laboratory as an engineer for many years, and when he retired they offered him any salary he wanted to stay. He had a wondrous woodshop where he could create anything. Many a Christmas present would come from that shop. He was also a master gardener, a man that truly understood the nature of plants and the soil. His garden almost seemed like a jungle to my siblings and I. His house and garden stood as a memorial to this talented man. He constructed the house with his own hands before he married my aunt.
More important was his heart of gold. I always remember him taking care of my grandmother. He made sure that her house was in good repair and that she never needed anything. He loved her and she loved him. He had a blustery way of being at once difficult but yet kind. One time at a family gathering he offered my then girlfriend five dollars if she would marry me and ten dollars if we would get married on his and my aunt's anniversary. We never got married, but I know she has fond memories of my uncle as well. He really did have a great sense of humor and was always looking out for us, his nieces and nephews. He also looked out for the widows and divorcees of his neighborhood. He would help them in their gardens and with their house repairs. He was always willing to help anyone--for example he plumbed and wired my parent's basement.
I could go on forever about his goodness and greatness, but I will instead end by expressing my love and gratitude for having known such a wonderful man. He was and is one of my heroes. May he find joy and happiness in the next life.
Wisdom from a Fox
I have to admit that I ripped this quote verbatim from my girlfriend's blog. She got it from
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. I can't help but think that I have been tamed.
"What does that mean--'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."
"To establish ties?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."
"My life is very monotonous," he said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . . "
The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time. "Please--tame me!" he said.
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "If you want a friend, tame me . . . "
"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be very patient," replied the fox. First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . . "
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . . "
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields."
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
Les Miserable Quote
This realization of Javier helps me to push away my own feelings of self-righteousness.
"A whole order of unexpected facts had cropped up and subjugated him. A whole new world was dawning on his soul: kindness accepted and repaid, devotion, mercy, indulgence, violences committed by pity on austerity, respect for persons, no more definitive condemnation, no more conviction, the possibility of a tear in the eye of the law, no one knows what justice according to God, running in inverse sense to justice according to men. He perceived amid the shadows the terrible rising of an unknown moral sun; it horrified and dazzled him. . .He was forced to acknowledge that goodness did exist."
"He asked himself: 'What has that convict done, that desperate fellow, whom I have pursued even to persecution, and who has had me under his foot, and who could have avenged himself, and who owed it both to his rancor and to his safety, in leaving me my life, in showing mercy upon me? His duty? No. Something more. And I in showing mercy upon him in my turn--what have I done? My duty? No. Something more. So there is something beyond duty?' Here he took fright; his balance became disjointed; one of the scales fell into the abyss, the other rose heavenward, and Javert was no less terrified by the one which was on high than by the one which was below. . .He had a superior, M. Gisquet; up to that day he had never dreamed of that other superior, God."
"It certainly was singular that the stoker of order, that the engineer of authority, mounted on the blind iron horse with its rigid road, could be unseated by a flash of light! that the immovable, the direct, the correct, the geometrical, the passive, the perfect, could bend! that there should exist for the locomotive a road to Damascus! "
(Victor Hugo,
Les Miserable, Volume 5, Book 4)
Important Realization
I know that I don't have very many faithful readers, and I also know that I don't often address openly religious topics on this blog. But it's my blog and I need to write about what I'm thinking. Over the past few days I have been thinking about the nature of relationships wheteher familial, romantic, friendly, or unfriendly. I have also been thinking about the role that I play in such relationships and also the way that others live within similar relationships. I have been pondering and pondering until today when I entered the shower, I remembered something found in the counsels of my church. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has issued a
Proclamation on the Family that defines for its members and the world the nature of the Family relationship.
http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11-1,00.html As I thought about the nature of the family relationship, I remembered one piece of counsel from the proclamation in particular. The proclamation states that,
"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." As I thought on these words, I realized that I don't have to confine them only to familial relationships. I believe that my role in any relationship is to try and found that relationship on the principles espoused in the proclamation because any good relationship should be built on these principles.
Thus, I hereby pledge to my few faithful readers that as a friend, son, brother, boyfriend, grandson, colleague, or even enemy that I will base all of my relationships on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. I can't promise to be perfect, but I can promise to try and do what's right.
Valentine's Day
One version of the legend behind St. Valentine's Day portrays the saint as a churchman willing to marry active soldiers and their girls even though this was against Roman law. Because he was willing to die in the name of love, he became the patron saint of couples everywhere.
Today I embarked on my first journey underneath his happy gaze, and I couldn't be more content or more in love. I tried to plan a pretty elaborate day for my girlfriend and myself; I also tried to plan it around the fact that she has a test tomorrow morning. Well, at least I brought her flowers and took her to dinner.
In return she trashed my house, but at least it was in love. I find myself today as a firm believer in the wonders of Saint Valentine's Day and thankful for the chance to try and brighten the day of the one I love.
The Human Heart
"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
(C.S. Lewis,
The Four Loves)
Recently I have been thinking a lot about the human heart. My grandmother, whom I love more than anything in this world, is about to undergo a heart procedure in hopes of finding more energy and vigor. For her, and all of us, the heart literally represents life. It is because of the heart that oxygen and nutrients can reach all of the essential parts of the body. When the heart stops beating, we die.
Just like the heart is the center of physical life, it has also taken on an essential symbolic role in the description of feelings, hopes and dreams. As we approach Valentine's Day, a day dedicated to romantic love, the symbolic heart comes to represent the human need for companionship. As we learn in a wonderful Disney song, "A dream is a wish your heart makes." As hearts connect, the natures of male and female complete and perfect one another. That is why I feel so wonderful when I am in love. My entire being feels more complete and hopeful. My life is filled with light, and my utmost goal becomes the happiness of the one whom I love. What a wonderful way to feel!
Yet more than just a source of romantic love, the heart also symbolically represents the spiritual essence of humanity. Compassion flows from the heart when we reach outside ourselves. We determine right and wrong by looking to our conscience which flows from the heart. We often look to our heart in order to be able to make correct decisions. Sorrow or understanding often break our hearts which can facilitate a change of heart. When we engage in sincere conversation we are having a heart to heart. When we pray, it can be said that we pour out our hearts to God.
This muscular pump that beats inside our chests is essential to life--whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual life. Do we appreciate this wonder of creation that helps us to stand? The heart both physically and symbolically exemplifies the humanity within each one of us. Reach out with your heart to someone today. In doing so, you will make yourself vulnerable, but you may also find the great joy. It's a risk worth taking.
On China
I just spoke with my sister who is heading off to China today for the next six months. In doing so, I began to realize just how cool my sister really is. She recently graduated from college, and has already spent six months in China teaching English to small children in the deep interior of the land of the Bamboo Curtain. In doing so, she came to realize the humanity of those that live there and wanted to return. I have come to realize that she is perhaps one of the bravest and most interesting people that I know. I wish her smooth sailing on her journey of life.
On Genius
"The work of the world isn't done by geniuses. It is done by ordinary people who have learned to work in an extraordinary way"
(Gordon B. Hinckley October 22, 2002)
Uncertainty
"Without a measureless and perpetual uncertainty, the drama of human life would be destroyed"
Winston Churchill
