Vicissitudes and Victories

Question & Response

I recently found the following question posted on another blog of someone I really care about. I think that she is absolutely right about the nature of relationships (present company included).

"Why does love make people selfish? Why does loving someone make you think that you are entitled to certain things from them (their company, their trust, their confidence in you, their loyalty, their love in return, etc)? And then you get angry at them if they don't give you those things. Even the most selfless of people, once fallen in love, will start to expect/demand such things from that person who is the object of his affection, even if she did not necessarily agree to give them. And, upon not getting them, he somehow feels cheated." (JM, March 2, 2006)

I just wanted to also post my response to her question here as well.

"I don't usually comment, but I just wanted to give my best answer. True love is selfless; it seeketh not its own. Yet for some reason or another romantic love is a two way street. I think we all crave that idealistic relationship where each person only thinks about the other's needs--because it is only then that we feel completely whole and fulfilled. Couples build this type of idealistic relationship on those attributes mentioned: time together, mutual trust, mutual confidence, absolute loyalty, and reciprical love. I think whatever selfishness we might display is really a longing or impatience for this better type of love, while at the same time not knowing how to achieve it. There is no excuse for selfishness, but I think that this yearning is the reason selfishness haunts relationships. I know I'm guilty of longing for the type of relationship that edifies. Just wanted to give my two cents as someone who loves very imperfectly, but who is desperately in love."

posted by Joel @ 11:00 PM