Missing Her
Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell.
(Emily Dickinson, "Parting")
Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.
(Kay Knudsen)
Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven.
(Tryon Edwards)
God be with you till we meet again;
By His cousels guide, uphold you,
With His sheep securely fold you.
When life's perils thick confound you,
Put His arms unfailing round you.
Keep love's banner floating o'er you;
Smile death's threat'ning way before you.
God be with you till we meet again
(Jeremiah Rankin)
Understanding and Listening
I think that my ability to listen and understand has been challenged in my short time here in Illinois. I live with two roommates who view life in very different ways than I do, and they are very willing to express their opinions. I appreciate their forthrightness, but I need to learn how better to listen and assimilate what they are saying before I try to argue with them. I think I have a harder time conversing with them because we operate under fundamentally different assumptions. This is actually a great blessing, but it means that I need to take more time to try and understand them and help them to understand me.
BYU Football
I must say that I am getting really excited for the start of BYU football. As a rabid fan of more than twenty years I am excited at the prospect of a team that looks to have almost everything put together. I am trying not to be overly optimistic, but I must say that I am excited to have a decent team this year!
The Unknowable
Tonight I had an interesting conversation on the nature of knowledge. I was conversing with a physicist, a very brilliant one at that, and I was trying to explain the uncertain nature of anything historical. I believe that reality does exist. People really live and they really do things. I also believe, however, that reality in the writing of history is a ideal that historians try to approach but never fully achieve. History is not quantifiable and is always open to interpretation. My physicist friend responded that even science is generally based on inductive reasoning. They can produce the math that justifies why something physical has always worked in the past, but they can never guarantee that physical phenomenon will occur the same in the future. So is there any such thing as Truth? Yes. Can I define it? Not yet. It brings me much peace to know that in all of the unknowable nature of the universe there is a God that we can know and who will manifest himself to us through our thoughts and feelings. In a world so unknowable this is life eternal: to know the only true God and His son Jesus Christ.
Becoming Better
Every day I learn more about how to become a good husband and father. I just hope that I will always do my utmost to apply what I am learning in every moment of my life!
In Illinois
I just wanted to say hello from my new home in Illinois. I know I haven't been blogging with great regularity lately, but more information will be forthcoming. I hope that all my readers will patiently join me as I start a family and work to obtain a PhD--two new and exciting endeavors for the future.
The Countdown
T minus 3 days before I leave for Illinois.
T minus 3 months, 9 days before my wedding.
I'm a Liberal
Liberalism in the United States of America is a broad political and philosophical mindset, favoring individual liberty and opposing restrictions on liberty, whether they come from title, from government regulation, from the existing social class structure, or from multi-national corporations. (Schlesinger, Arthur Jr. "Liberalism in America: A Note for Europeans."
The Politics of Hope, ed Donna Zajoin. Riverside Press, 1962; as cited in Wikipedia, American Liberalism)
I have a confession to make. I am a liberal. Conservative commentators in recent times have personified liberals as devils--or at the least, Godless communists. In our modern world, the word Liberalism connotes big government, corruption, and the welfare state. Yet people don't realize where the word came from and how important the idea of liberalism has been to the history of the United States. The above definition for the word shows how liberals have helped develop almost all of the political platforms of the major parties in the United States. Liberals believe in liberty--one of the inalienable rights espoused in the Declaration of Independence. Among some of the most famous liberals in American history were Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, and Abraham Lincoln to name only a few. Anyone who fights to protect the rights of others or anyone who favors democracy is by definition an advocate of liberalism. In American politics, terms often become loaded with political meaning. Word appropriation equals power in many modern societies. As a present-day liberal thinker, I call on every American everywhere to think about politics. Think about the words that we use. Ponder on the meaning that political words convey. We are presently making history-- let us work to honor the liberal traditions of those men that helped to found this nation.
On Moving
I have been having a really hard time packing to leave Logan today. It just seems that by putting away my stuff I am admitting the fact that I have to leave ALS for three whole months. Whatever I do, I cannot escape this fact which sets me up to procrastinate even more. I think I almost miss her already.
Moving
Tomorrow I begin the moving process. Wish me luck!
Man of La Mancha
My fiance and I went to see the musical, Man of La Mancha tonight. This show has and continues to be one of my favorites because its primary themes counteract the intense skepticism and cynicism of our day. The play tells the story of Don Quixote, a man not quite in tune with the reality around him, yet the musical suggests that Quixote has embraced a higher law and a higher set of ideals. It seems to argue that it is not acceptable to know a world so full of difficulty and despair without doing something to improve that world. I could write a ton about the play, but I would rather share a song--one of my all time favorites. This song has helped me through many difficult times in my life.
The Impossible Dream
To dream the impossible dream,
To fight the unbeatable foe,
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go.
To right the unrightable wrong,
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star.
This is my quest:
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far.
To fight for the right
Without question or pause;
To be willing to march into Hell
For a Heavenly cause.
And I know if I'll only be true
to this glorious quest.
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest.
And the World will be better for this
That one man scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable stars.
Song Lyrics, "All Times, All Things, All Places"
I sang this song at EFY a few weeks ago, and its message has been motivating my life ever since.
"All of us who hold the priesthood are the Lord's authorized servants on the earth and are missionaries at all times and in all places--and we always will be. Our very identity as holders of the priesthood and the seed of Abraham is in large measure defined by the responsibility to proclaim the gospel."
(Elder David Bednar, October 2005)
It's not in the letter I can't wait to open,
It's not in the badge that will carry His name,
It's not going to grow in just three weeks of study,
Or magically come when I get on a plane.
So today I'm becoming who I'm meant to be:
The worthy, unshakeable witness He needs
At all times, all things, all places
I will sing and shout His praises
I will tell the whole world that I know what His grace is
At all times, in all things, in all places.
It comes as I study the words of the prophets
And think about all that those words mean for me.
As Abraham's son I am part of the promise
That all of the earth would be blessed by his seed.
I know what my Savior expects me to be:
The faithful, unchangeable witness He needs
Chorus
All eyes, all ears, all hearts, all faces.
All rich, all poor, all life, all ages.
All roads, all doors, all lands, all nations.
All earth, all kin, all tongues, all races
Chorus
Hot Day
Today was so hot that I had to eat not only one, but two otter pops.
Paper at Stanford
My paper at Stanford went really well over the weekend. People seemed very interested in my topic and after the panel was over the commenter and another prominent scholar in my field took me out to lunch and we talked for hours. I didn't really like the heat or the intense drinking at many of the conferences receptions, but overall I had a very good time.
Random Thoughts about Marriage and Moving
I am just going to try and write some thoughts down in a very stream of conscience fashion. Today I learned how important it is to discuss expectations before marriage. If we don't know what the other person expects, we will never be able to help them enjoy life. It is important to celebrate differences and not dwell on them. Engagement separation stinks. I am nervous about moving someplace new all by myself. I worry that my new car might break down along the way to Illinois. I worry ALS might come to her senses about marrying me. I worry about focusing on the wrong things for our wedding day. I worry about passing classes at school. I worry about not being good enough. I worry about my selfishness and pride. Cross country travel is difficult. I love ALS. I need to treat her with even more respect. I need to pack up my things. I want to say goodbye to those I care about. How can I thank those who have helped me along the path of life? Who do I invite to the wedding? I hate hot humidity! I hate being hot in general. I am too judgmental sometimes. I am good at wasting time. How can I serve those around me? What kind of invitations should we choose? Stay in the eye of the storm. Champaign-Urbana or Urbana-Champaign? What classes? Time to go to bed.
Tribute to Ashley
I just wanted to thank Ashley for being such a good sport while I head out to Stanford.
My New Vehicle
I just purchased a Oldsmobile Bravada, and I love it!
Palo Alto
I'm off to the campus of Stanford University this weekend to attend the conference of the Pacific Coast Branch of the American Historical Association. I am going to present a paper there on Friday. This is my first major academic conference and I am a little nervous about how my work will be received, but I feel like the paper I will present is some of my best work. The paper unpacks the model minority thesis that portrays Asian Americans as an ethnic group that has overcome the disadvantages of race. I strive to show how Asians have played a role in the creation of this myth. I think I will feel good about the experience no matter what happens although going to Palo Alto means that I have to leave Ashley for a few days which really stinks. I know that I love her and that she loves me and in the end that is the only thing that really matters. It is the thing that makes me most happy.
A Long Overdue Update on My Life
I figured that I finally have some time tonight to update everyone about my life in the last few weeks. Many of you know that I have been dating a girl named Ashley very seriously over the past few months. She has become the light of my life and the wonder of my world. My life revolves around the love that I feel for her and the beauty that she brings to me. She is good and sweet and just plain wonderful, and I am completely in love with her.
There will be much more about Ashley in this email, but I also wanted to tell everyone about my experience as a volunteer Especially for Youth counselor in Ogden from July 9-14 and again from July 16-21. It really was a truly great experience. I had always pictured the EFY program as a sappy cum-ba-ya-fest--much more about emotion and flirting than a genuine spiritual experience. Yet I was sorely wrong in my judgment of the program. From the first moments that I participated, I realized that EFY exists to help the youth of the church know that spiritual things can be fun and fun things can be spiritual. So often we try and compartmentalize our lives between these two different areas when we should make a place for both in our lives.
I had the opportunity to teach 14 and 15 year old boys about the first vision, I taught them about the atonement and about faith, I taught them about commandments, and about the Abrahamic covenant. Most of the boys just loved hearing and coming to understand these doctrines and principles. The boys are so malleable at this age and their lives truly change over the course of one simple week. One boy named Beau just looked lost, sad, and skeptical when I first met him. Over the course of the week, a new light came into his eyes, and by the time we got to the testimony meeting on Thursday night I could tell that he had felt and recognized the Spirit in his life. I could even tell the spirit was sanctifying him. He gave the closing prayer to end the program that week, and as I walked back with him to where his parents were going to pick him up, I knew he was changed. He talked enthusiastically about scripture study and about going on a mission. He knew his Savior loved him, and he knew that Joseph Smith was a prophet. For the local programs in the Northern Utah Area the EFY participants sleep in their own homes which allows the church to offer the program at the cost of only $55. I was very impressed at the quality of counselors that volunteered to work at these EFY sessions. They were people willing to give up weeks of their summer to serve the youth of the church. I made good friends, and I have come to look up to many of these friends. I even got to sing at some of the firesides. I am constantly amazed at the marvelous work and a wonder that is our church.
At the same time I was working as a counselor I was separated from Ashley--even though I was staying at her parents' home in Hooper, Utah. It was the longest time that we have been separated in our five months of dating, and in the separation we came to more fully realize our feelings for one another. The weekend after my first EFY session, we decided to get engaged. We are constantly haunted by my impending exodus to the University of Illinois in the middle of August, and we decided that we needed to figure out what to do so that we can be together. After finishing my second session, we spent the Pioneer Day weekend making plans, ring shopping, and spending time with her family. On Wednesday I went up to Pocatello to search for a car, and I also secretly detoured down to Ogden to buy the ring that she liked. I told her that car shopping had taken much longer than I expected, when I was really preparing to propose that night. When I arrived in Logan I went to her house for dinner. Subtly I asked her if she wanted to see my tuxedo over at my house (We had previously discussed using my own personal tux for the wedding and just renting matching tuxes for our fathers). I spent the first few minutes cleaning my living room--I wanted the right ambiance to pop the question. I then retired to my room and put on my tuxedo. I also put the ring into my pocket. When I came out, I asked her how she liked the tux. She said she liked it very much. I then asked her if she thought it would be appropriate for the reception, and she said yes. At the same time she was wearing Sunday clothes and I asked her if her clothes would be appropriate for the reception. She gave me a very enthusiastic "no," reminding me that she would be wearing her wedding dress. I then stated that I had something that she would need for the reception and took out the ring. As I knelt down, I told her how much I loved her and how much I wanted to be with her for the eternities. I then asked her to marry me and she accepted as I slipped the ring onto her finger.
We have decided to be married in the Logan Temple on the 21st of November. I have a week off for Thanksgiving, and I will fly out for the wedding. We will have an open house in Rexburg on November 18 and a reception in Hooper, Utah on the night of the wedding. We will then pack up our things in a Uhaul and head for Illinois. We hate the fact that we will be separated for three months while I pursue my PhD, but we are happy to be able to start the eternities together as we kneel at the altar of the temple and become full partakers of the Abrahamic Covenant and our Savior's atonement.
I spent the last week in Island Park with Ashley and my brother David and his wife Val. We had a great time and were able to see a show at the Playmill as well as spend a full day in Yellowstone Park. This weekend I am traveling to Stanford University to present a paper at a conference there. I am excited for the professional experience, but I am also quite nervous to be presenting my work to a group of professional historians. You now have the skinny on the whirlwind story that has been my life this summer. I wouldn't trade the experiences I been able to live through for anything. I am happy and safe and content. I am also thankful to all those who have helped me get to this point in my life.
