Vicissitudes and Victories

Great Weekend

I would like to apologize for the lack of posts this weekend, I have been so busy that I just haven't had much time. Not that I'm complaining. I am happy!!!

posted by Joel @ 11:16 PM 0 comments

Composites

I have come to believe that all of us our composites of those from which we came. It wouldn't surprise me to know that a great deal of who I am and what I believe has been passed on to me from ancestors generations back. Last week I met many parents of many of my friends and I came to realize that people make more sense when you see them in the context of their familial ties. This week has just reaffirmed that conclusion.

posted by Joel @ 11:10 PM 0 comments

Movie Disappointments

Have you ever gone back to a movie several years later and wondered what you liked about it in the first place?

posted by Joel @ 12:35 AM 0 comments

It's Done

I finished chapter three today. All I have now are revisions and an introduction and conclusion. Yay!!!!!

posted by Joel @ 5:52 PM 0 comments

Thesis

I wrote seven good pages today of my thesis. I think it is really starting to come together. It better--it's due in the next few days.

posted by Joel @ 4:57 PM 0 comments

Hope

"Hasta la muerte todo es vida" (Until death all is hope)
(Don Quixote de la Mancha, Miguel de Cervantes)

posted by Joel @ 10:44 PM 0 comments

No Fault

Some states now require that all drivers have no-fault car insurance. The idea behind this form of insurance is that both parties always share some blame in any accident that occurs. Because both parties usually share some blame for traffic accidents, each party's insurance agree to pay for the damage wrought to the policy holder's vehicle. Thus, neither party is held accountable for the other parties mistakes--they both share some of the blame and some of the burden.

This insurance model differs substantially from the model of malpractice insurance. Doctors today must carry massive amounts of insurance coverage just in case they make a stupid mistake or even if someone perceives they made a stupid mistake. The malpractice model assumes that all pain has its source, and that that source deserves to pay for the pain caused.

Sometimes I wish that relationships followed the no-fault model more than the malpractice model of culpability. Truth be told, both parties in a relationship generally share some blame for what ever happens to that relationship. This is definitely not true when abuse occurs within a relationship or when one party cheats on another, but in general blame resides with both parties. Yet it seems like both parties constantly try to point fingers at one another trying to blame one another for the pain each one feels. Pain is the natural consequence of breaking up. There will always be plenty of pain to go around when people cut the ties that bind them together. The term no-fault is deceptive, it really means that both are at fault. Asi es la vida (so is life)!

What really is important is to learn from the pain. To reach out and be kinder and gentler to those around us. C.S. Lewis once said, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." (The Problem with Pain) Christ is the only one who can take away our pain because he understands and has experienced all pain. So as people in our litigious society strive to take each other for all they are worth, and hurt and battered souls strive to hurt the ones they loved, maybe it's time to remember that there is a "Balm in Gilead" and that healing occurs only when we give our pain to Him that paid the price for all.

posted by Joel @ 3:19 PM 0 comments

Vicissitudes and Victories

I present an original poem representing my thoughts tonight on the title of this blog. The poem also represents my outlook on life as I go through a variety of difficult decisions and moments in my life.

Vicissitudes, those painful moments
pressed from decisions, good and bad;
The natural course of human yearning
for that which makes the other sad.

Choices, and their rightful end
at times surprise our sense of right;
consequence unseen, unwanted
evades the strangers' best foresight.

Yet joy beams forth from hidden wells,
assurance comes when caring lives.
Our deepest, heaviest of moments
flee as water through the sieves

of time, and mercy paid by blood
like light shines out from every plea;
the right prevails through veils of tears--
to us the victory.

posted by Joel @ 11:40 PM 0 comments

Relationships

I really wish I could understand relationships better. I have been in two in the last year and I don't think I ever really completely understood either one of them. What I do know is that love is not a game; it is not like the movies. It's not supposed to be; it's supposed to be better. To make it the best it can be takes significant work and understanding, but the work and the understanding are the things that make love joyful. I don't know that I want too much, I just want someone with whom I can feel that joy. So I continue to crawl through the foxholes of dating--dealing with the pain that comes from the shrapnel of failed and broken relationships. It hurts; it's frustrating. But I feel like I'm doing what is right for me. I have a clear conscience. I'm just trying to find a girl that loves me enough to face whatever life might throw at us, and whom I love enough to do anything I can to make her happy.

posted by Joel @ 12:36 PM 0 comments

Iran

After seeing the first photo in the New York Times, I think that we have to start worrying about Iran's nuclear program and government. Both pictures represent the power of propaganda. Look at the similarity between these two portrayals of civic destiny: one of Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and another of Stalin in communist Russia. Creepy, huh?

posted by Joel @ 11:06 PM 0 comments

Your Best Self

When you find a friend that helps you want to be your best self, then that friend is a friend you should want to be around as much as possible.

posted by Joel @ 10:51 PM 0 comments

Tonight

Tonight the activity of choice consisted of eating an abundance of barbecued meat and shooting pop-bottle rockets constructed of pop bottles, cardboard fins, and cardboard cones filled with sand to add extra weight. Add an air compressor and you've got the makings of hours of fun. Perhaps not your ideal party, but I had a great time.

posted by Joel @ 10:44 PM 0 comments

Trying to Do What's Right

Have you ever felt like everything you do causes more problems than solutions? Welcome to my life. I feel like I am trying to do what's right; I am trying to follow a correct course. I just wish that I could make everyone happy. I don't wish to cause anyone any more pain.

posted by Joel @ 10:42 PM 0 comments

Impersonality

I might be wrong, but I think that the technical expansion of communication possibilities has made our lives more impersonal. Gone are the days when suitors spent hours carefully crafting a love letter until every word rang like poetry in the heart of their beloved. Cell phones allow us to communicate whenever we want, but I think that phone conversations have become more superficial. Email is convenient and quick, but it facilitates short, thematic conversations. Text messaging and instant messaging can be flirtatious and witty, but it is rarely substantial. Even the act of blogging for me is interestingly impersonal. I do express some of my deepest and most poignant emotions and thoughts in this medium, but very few of you even know who I am and probably even more don't even care. Reading blogs gives us the opportunity to understand what is going on inside the mind of someone else without ever really having to get to know them on a person to person level.

So what exactly am I bemoaning? I think that in the future people will look back and think of our time as a time when the art of conversation and writing declined. It is the age of short attention spans and fast-paced entertainment. It is an age without imagination--at least outside of movies and video games. I think the people of the future will picture our time as an era when people communicated with each other more, and knew each other less. In short, I believe that someday we will be seen as having lived in the age of impersonality.

posted by Joel @ 4:25 PM 0 comments

Truth

When you start to care about others, they will start to care about you.

posted by Joel @ 8:40 AM 0 comments

When the Door Doesn't Work

We find ways to cope when things break down. In the last few days my roommate and I have found a new door into and out of our apartment.

posted by Joel @ 10:58 PM 0 comments

Now is the Time

When the time for performance arrives, the time for preparation is past.
(Thomas S. Monson April 2, 2006)

posted by Joel @ 8:16 PM 0 comments

Bunches

Isn't it interesting that opportunities as well as trials often come in bunches?

posted by Joel @ 12:49 AM 0 comments

Some Thoughts on Love

Today I came to an epiphany as I was writing an email to my former girlfriend. I realized that to love is to want or need someone else. My roommate is getting ready to marry a wonderful girl in May. What makes them such a wonderful couple is not that they have perfectly complementary personalities, and not that they always agree perfectly. They actually see the world in very distinct and different ways. Yet they need each other; they can't live without each other. Each person is like water to the other's thirst, or oxygen to the other's lungs. Relationships take work and effort, but if one person needs the other, then work seems easy and toil inconsequential. Sometimes couples first must work to find a necessity for each other, but without it relationships are extremely hard. One of the foremost reasons many people give for breaking up is that the other person just didn't know what he or she wanted. I think what this really means is that the other person just didn't really want or need them at the level that they needed to be needed or wanted.

posted by Joel @ 3:19 PM 0 comments

The Doorknob from Heck

Tonight I spent two hours trying to fix a stupid doorknob. I hate it. It makes me angry. And the funniest thing is that I still can't open the door.

posted by Joel @ 1:13 AM 0 comments

Confronting Fears

Sometimes it's just nice to confront your fears. More things get solved and it results in less uncomfortableness than avoiding problems because you think they will drive you crazy. I've learned today that talking is better than avoiding.

posted by Joel @ 9:09 PM 0 comments

Westside Story

I find my University's choice of musical to be slightly ironic this year. I always think its interesting when white, Mormon actors have to portray Puerto Rican gang members dramatically.

posted by Joel @ 11:52 PM 0 comments

My Top Ten Songs to Overcome a Bad Day

When I feel down, I like to listen to songs that capture the human ability to overcome and feel happiness. I just find that it is hard to feel bad when you are singing about the triumphant nature of the human spirit. So here's my top ten (By the way, I do listen to more than just Broadway, it just seems that these Broadway songs capture the spirit of happiness for me better than most)

10. Climb Every Mountain
9. This is the Moment
8. Moon River
7. You've Got a Friend in Me
5. Somewhere Over the Rainbow
6. Put on a Happy Face
5. You'll Never Walk Alone
4. Rainbow Connection
3. What a Wonderful World
2. Without a Song
1. The Impossible Dream

posted by Joel @ 8:31 PM 0 comments

Easter

I know this post is late in coming, but I felt that I needed to post on the Easter holiday that has such personal and real consequences in my life.

"As stated by the angel on that first resurrection morn, 'Why seek ye the living among the dead?' (Luke 24:5). 'He is not here: for he is risen, as he said' (Matthew 28:6).

This is the promise of the risen Lord. This is the relevance of Jesus to a world in which all must die. Of all the victories in human history, none is so great, none so universal in its effect, none so everlasting in its consequences as the victory of the crucified Lord,who came forth in the resurrection that first Easter morning."
(Gordon B. Hinckley)

I made this collage to put on my desktop for Easter.

posted by Joel @ 1:44 PM 0 comments

The Thesis

I just want to provide an update on my thesis, or perhaps it will be a more philosophical examination on the nature of academia and thesis writing in general. In the last few days as I have been dealing with more personal issues, I have come to realize that succeeding in the academic world will be cool, but that it is not as important as us academics would like to make it. I think that I am saying important things in my thesis for the field of History, and Asian American Studies, but in the long run I'm just telling a story. How much more important are my relationships, my friends, my family, and trying to do what's right and help others. So as I now write my thesis, know that there are things that are much more important.

posted by Joel @ 10:59 AM 0 comments

Trying

It seems like I haven't posted for a while. I have just been trying to deal with a myriad of issues in my life. I am just trying to do what feels right for me and for those around me. The frustrating part is that sometimes I feel like all I do is cause problems. I wish I could just make everyone happy, but sometimes I can't. All I can say is that I'm trying to do what's right; I'm trying to follow my heart.

posted by Joel @ 10:53 AM 0 comments

Problems

So many problem in life can be avoided if we just avoid their causes.

posted by Joel @ 9:03 PM 0 comments

Joy or Pleasure?

"Learn to distinguish the difference between joy and pleasure. Don't be misled by the laughter of the world, it's only loneliness trying to reassure itself. Joy is that which we feel the morning after and a week later and ten years later. It is a rich, sustainable, spiritual feeling--pleasure's something else."
(Neal A. Maxwell, March 19, 1985)

posted by Joel @ 10:48 PM 0 comments

Thanking Immigrants for the Myriad Jobs They Do

I really like this essay read on National Public Radio by Richard Rodriguez on April 5, 2006. The essay was Rodriguez's reaction to the many Latino demonstrations all over the country in the last few weeks. My politics are probably not nearly as liberal as his, but I found myself very much sympathizing with the point he was trying to make. I believe he was trying to say that our country today, as it always has been, is built on the backs of the working poor of which immigrants make up a large part. All of our families were immigrants at some point to the United States. They all came to find a better life. The conception of illegality among immigrants is a fairly new construction--within the last hundred years. Most of our ancestors came to the United States as untouchables. England didn't want the Puritans or the Pilgrims. The Irish left Ireland because of famine to find a better life among people that treated them very badly in the United States. Most blacks came over on slave ships against their will. Asians came as workers and endured much prejudice and imprisonment. The only thing I'm trying to say is that illegal aliens are people too. All people of other races and ethnicities are as human as we are, and we can't forget that just because they look, sound, smell, and act differently. If you really want a treat follow the link and hear the author read the essay for yourself.

Richard Rodriguez

In the noisy argument over what to do with illegal immigrants, the common assumption is that Americans have done a great deal for them already. The question now is: What more should we give them? Should we give them a green card? Grant them amnesty? Or stop all this generosity and send them packing. No one speaks about what illegal immigrants have done for us. It occurs to me I've not heard two relevant words spoken. If you will allow me, I will speak them: Thank you!

Thank you for turning on the sprinklers. Thank you for cleaning the swimming pool and scrambling the eggs and doing the dishes. Thank you for making the bed. Thank you for getting the children up and ready for school. Thank you for picking them up after school. Thank you for caring for our dying parents. Thank you for plucking dead chickens. Thank you for bending your bodies over our fields. Thank you for breathing chemicals and absorbing chemicals into your bodies. Thank you for the lettuce and the spinach, and the artichokes and the asparagus and the cauliflower, the broccoli, the beans, the tomatoes, and the garlic. Thank you for the apricots and the peaches and the apples and the melons and the plums and the almonds and the grapes. Thank you for the willow trees and the roses and the winter lawn. Thank you for scraping and painting and roofing and cleaning out the asbestos and the mold. Thank you for your stoicism and your eager hands. Thank you for all the young men on roof tops in the sun. Thank you for cleaning the toilets and the showers and the restaurant kitchens and the schools and the office buildings and the airports and the malls. Thank you for washing the car. Thank you for washing all the cars. Thank you for your parents who died young and had nothing to bequeath to their children but the memory of work. Thank you for giving us your youth. Thank you for the commemorative altars. Thank you for the food, the beer, the tragic polka. Gracias.

posted by Joel @ 6:00 PM 0 comments

Experience

"Only so much do I know, as I have lived. "
(Ralph Waldo Emerson, Oration, The American Scholar)

posted by Joel @ 10:00 PM 0 comments

The Strength of the Human Spirit

Tonight I went with a friend to visit my great aunt Iris at a rest home. It was close to her bedtime, but we got the opportunity to spend some very precious moments with her. Aunt Iris has Parkinson's Disease and has been crippled by it in the last few years, but her mind still wants to break out. She practices the piano for about an hour a day, and she yearns for human companionship. She talked with the nurse so that we could stay just a few moments more. While we were there, she played a few songs while I sang. I had sung at her husband's funeral, and as we sang that song, tears welled up in her eyes. It was good to have been there. She has become one of my heroes. I still saw the light in the eyes of that brave, but lonely woman. I know that some day she'll be able to soar.

posted by Joel @ 9:37 PM 0 comments

How Long is Long Enough

I have been thinking today about time and its arbitrary nature. How is it that four years came to be the time that it would take to finish a degree? How long is an appropriate engagement? How old should you be before you get your driver's license? When should you legally be considered an adult? I'd love to be able to say that there shouldn't be any absolutes, but there are. People also make absolute decisions for themselves such as: How long should we wait between having children? When should we retire? At what age should we potty train?

What I'm trying to say is that it is important to question our preconceptions. Try to look at your life from an outside perspective. It is important that we make correct decisions for the right reasons.

posted by Joel @ 10:53 PM 0 comments

Being Tired

It just seems like life is harder to deal with without a good night's sleep behind you. Today I found myself avoiding a particularly tense situation because I didn't feel like I had the time or the energy to deal with it properly. Sometimes I hate my job and the anxiety it puts me through. At least I have a peaceful evening planned.

posted by Joel @ 12:50 PM 0 comments

Grading (cont)

Another test to grade, another almost sleepless night.

posted by Joel @ 1:44 AM 0 comments

Grading

I hate grading tests--especially for other people. The act of grading is always subjective, but it is even harder when I must submit myself to someone else's subjective scale. I always do the best I can, and I try to be fair, but I don't like grading.

posted by Joel @ 4:25 PM 0 comments

Racism

posted by Joel @ 12:41 AM 0 comments

Fluffy, the "Commando Dog"

I just wanted to share some good news for a change. The story of Fluffy the "commando dog" shows that even in war, there are moments of goodness and decency. Fluffy is a dog that was rescued from its abusive owners in Iraq. It turned out to be an extremely protective dog, and it saved the lives of its new owners several times. When it came time to leave Iraq, its owner couldn't stand to leave his faithful friend in Iraq. So Fluffy, under special dispensation from the government, came with his owner to the United States. He has been awarded some medals, and a book has been written about this faithful German Shepherd. It just goes to show that there is good news to be found among all of the darkness that pervades the news.

posted by Joel @ 10:28 PM 0 comments

Good People

There are just some people that lighten a room when they enter. I had the chance to spend the evening with someone who just makes me want to be a better person, and that brightened up my day. I don't think I could have had a better evening if I had planned it.

posted by Joel @ 10:14 PM 0 comments

Life Before this Life

I am a firm believer that we existed before we came to earth in mortal form. I use as my primary evidence geniuses like Mozart and Einstein. It seems that even some athletes are born with gifts that distinguish them from their peers at birth. All I can say is that these people affect the lives of those around them for the better. And their existence fortifies my belief in something that came before and in the idea that there is something more to come after this life.

posted by Joel @ 11:13 PM 0 comments

The Trust Exchange

Today as I was talking with some friends, I really realized that creating friendships is like creating a great exchange of trust--where trust is traded generously and eventually builds itself into caring, vulnerability, and love. Some people share their confidence in large and somewhat haphazard chunks while others deal it out in small, bite-size bits. To build friendship you must share of yourself, you must lend out some of your trust. Sometimes we even get burned. But so goes the great trust exchange. The truth is that joining is worth it because when you truly join and exchange some of your trust, you will not feel alone.

posted by Joel @ 4:45 PM 0 comments

Same Activity--Different Circumstances

Tonight I tried to play Video Clue with some friends. You may remember that last time I played Video Clue, I recommended it highly. This was a different night with different people, and it didn't go over as well. Don't try to play Video Clue when you're tired, or with too many people. It becomes a really long and tedious game and the tired people zone out. In general, it is a game that requires a large amount of concentration and a bunch of inquisitive minds. So next time you want to play Video Clue think about the players and the ambiance before trying to put a game together.

posted by Joel @ 12:08 AM 0 comments

More on Sailing

“Men go back to the mountains, as they go back to sailing ships at sea, because in the mountains and on the sea they must face up.”
(Henry David Thoreau)

posted by Joel @ 1:48 PM 0 comments

Sailing

One of my secret ambitions is to learn how to sail. I worked at a Boy Scout Camp one summer and they had small sailboats on the lake there. For me, learning to sail on those small boats was one of the greatest pleasures of the whole scout camp experience. I can only imagine how peaceful and exhilarating it would be to sail on a large boat. Well, I won't get much opportunity in Utah, and I missed my chance to go to Santa Barbara for school, but someday I will learn to sail. It just looks like one of those experiences worth having.

posted by Joel @ 1:40 PM 0 comments

Learning How to Learn

Today I gave a lecture in a class on the history of Christianity. It was entitle Religion and Revolution. The funny thing is that my primary field of emphasis is Japanese American History. I haven't taken a class on Colonial America or the Revolutionary War for at least five years. Yet my graduate school education has taughht me how to learn, and I was quickly able to immerse myself in knowledge and teach the lecture. The teacher and students even commented on the things that I taught. The reason why I could learn about and give the lecture is because my education has taught me how to learn.

I think the proble with the No Child Left Behind Program is that it tests for the wrong thing. The truth is that it doesn't matter how much a child knows, it really matters how well they've learned how to learn. That is why classes in the arts, foreign languages, and humanities are very important. In learning these subjects children learn how to learn. I am not trying to belittle math and science because these disciplines teach different types of learning. But the real importance isn't in the subject matter, but in expanding childrens minds to be able to learn what they will need to cope with families, jobs, and friendships. Different children will need to learn how to learn in different ways, but at some level all of life is about being able to gain the knowledge and learn the skills that will help us to prosper. Well, that's my rant for the day.

posted by Joel @ 3:54 PM 0 comments

Speaking Like You Look

Today I was talking with some friends, and the comment was made that this boy was cute, but he didn't speak like he looked--meaning he didn't speak as eloquently as he looked. I started to think about why we would expect someone to speak in a certain way. I also wondered if I talk how I look. I am constantly fascinated by how expectations are created and met.

posted by Joel @ 9:58 PM 0 comments

What a Boring Life

Today I didn't leave my house until almost 8:00 PM. I spent most of my day deeply burried in work, but it just seems odd that I didn't even leave once until nighttime. I felt a little ansy at times.

posted by Joel @ 9:54 PM 0 comments

The Wild West

I know people have a fascination with the Old American West, but I think this website takes it to the extreme. Happy trails to you, until we meet again.

posted by Joel @ 12:02 PM 0 comments

Writing Lectures

Writing Lectures is hard. You have to immerse yourself in the historiography (the way that historians write about history) of a particular historical moment and try and create your own narrative of the way that history happened. It is time consuming and difficult, but it also is a lot of fun. I am sure that being a professor will be nice work if I can get it.

posted by Joel @ 10:56 PM 0 comments

I Won?

Today I gave a presentation at the Graduate Student Symposium at Utah State University. My presentation deals with the photographs that Ansel Adams and Toyo Miyatake took of Japanese Americans in the Manzanar Incarceration Camp during World War II. I thought that my paper was pretty good, but I had no idea that I even had a chance of winning. There were twenty other presenters from my college, and I thought some of their presentations were very good. I hoped I would win, but when they read other names for the second and third prizes I was sure I was out of the running. Then I heard my name as the winner and was extremely shocked. I won $150 for just reading a paper I had already written. Go figure. So here's to unexpected victories in unexpected places.

posted by Joel @ 5:25 PM 0 comments

Nervous

It's just a presentation of ten minutes, but I find myself feeling very nervous to present any of my work to others. I think my paper is well-written and says important things, but I am just not a very articulate person. Hopefully enthusiasm will outweigh ability. I also have grading to do this week and my professor was displeased with some of my previous efforts. I need to nail this batch of grading so I never have similar problems again. My thesis looms over me like a cloud of volcanic ash. I know I need to finish, but it is hard to find time to do the work at the level that I need to. Oh well, life goes on and so do I in the locura that is the academic marathon.

posted by Joel @ 12:05 PM 0 comments

No Easy Answer

I find life often to be a complicated mess. There are no easy solutions. Every misstep leads to pain of some type. I wish it was otherwise, but that's the way this life works. There is also much joy to be had, but it requires us to truly work to find it. In the past little while I've felt a ton of pain; I only hope that it will help me someday appreciate joy that much more.

posted by Joel @ 10:37 PM 0 comments

Almost on Six Continents

I just want to thank everyone for taking time to visit my blog. I now have had hits from every continent besides Africa and Antartica. I kind of doubt that will change, but I just wanted to bid everyone welcome. I hope that you enjoy my perspective on life.

posted by Joel @ 6:39 PM 0 comments

A Nice Distraction

This may be a little too petty for someone working toward an academic degree, but I love Cadbury Mini Eggs. They only sell them at Easter time, and I just love them. I love the fact that they contain creamy chocolate in the middle with a hard candy shell on the outside. It makes me sad that they only are sold at this time of year, they make me happy.

posted by Joel @ 6:30 PM 0 comments

In Honor of My Sister

I would just like to take a moment to pay homage to my little sister. Today she turns 22 years old. Presently, she finds herself in the People's Republic of China working as a English teacher. She is one of the bravest, most honorable people that I know. She has a source of strength within that helps her thrive at everything she does. So I dedicate today in memory of my international sister--one of the most beautiful, capable people I know.

posted by Joel @ 12:43 PM 0 comments

It's Over

I feel like I may have been critical of my recently departed girlfriend in this blog, and it was because I was not completely over our relationship. I still may not be completely over our relationship, but I feel much better tonight so I wanted to express my true feelings about her as a person and not as an object of my affection. I may never write about her again, but she really deserves to know how good she really is.

JM is a wonderfully kind person. She loves to serve. She cares about others and worries about how they feel. She gives of herself to all those who reach out to her and really cares about these people. She loves her family and wants the best for them. She tries to make them happy and help them out. She is bright and intelligent. She loves the process of learning and she always desires to be better. She believes in God, and suffers when people don't follow Him. She tries to share the gospel with those around her. In many ways she is wise beyond her years. She is beautiful. She has breathtaking eyes and a wonderful smile. She finds humor in living. She isn't afraid to be different and so she lives a unique and interesting life.

I just wanted to say that I wish her the best because I know that she will find happiness with someone. She deserves that. I hope she accomplishes everything she ever would wish to do. I hope she raises beautiful children and finds great happiness with someone who treats her like a princess. So as I bid adieu to the JM phase of my life, I just want to publicly thank her for having brought me such happiness. She made my days sweet and my evenings sweeter as we learned and loved together.

posted by Joel @ 12:18 AM 0 comments

Peru

One of my dear friends recently returned from a visit to Peru. In looking at her photographs I was reminded of my two years in that wondrous land of strife and poverty. I remembered the goodness of its people and the lifelong friends I made there. All that I know and all that I am has ties to the dusty roads of Peru. Peru, where the conquest of South America began. Peru, with its majestic mountains and mysterious jungles. Te amo Peru, mi patria segunda.

posted by Joel @ 5:15 PM 0 comments

Tolerance

"No man who makes disparaging remarks concerning those of another race can consider himself a true disciple of Christ."
(Gordon B. Hinckley, April 1, 2006)

posted by Joel @ 5:11 PM 0 comments

This Week's Checklist

I've got to prepare a graduate presentation for Wednesday afternoon
I'm giving a lecture on religion during the American Revolution on Friday
My class has an exam on Wednesday--so I will be grading over the weekend
I need to continue working on my thesis
I would like to go on a date this weekend

Wish me luck--I'm going to need it

posted by Joel @ 12:46 PM 0 comments

No Regrets

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."
(Sydney J. Harris)

posted by Joel @ 12:54 AM 0 comments

The Atonement

"The atonement lifts us not only from sins, but from every other needful thing."
(Jeffrey R. Holland, April 2, 2006)

posted by Joel @ 12:50 AM 0 comments

Pain

What do you do when you want to call the girl that you love, but you know that a conversation with her will just cause both of you to feel more pain? She is my best friend. She is a wonderful person. She really wants to do what's right. I still care about her immensely, but I cannot stand the idea of talking with her just as a friend. Our journey took us to the point of no return. I will always care about her, but I will probably try to avoid her as much as possible because thinking of her just makes me sad. She was the princess I lost: my life, my love, and my purpose. While I will forever be grateful for the moments we shared, the only way I can be her confidant would be as her boyfriend.

posted by Joel @ 12:05 AM 0 comments

The World is Too Much With Us

"The World is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!"
(William Wordsworth)

posted by Joel @ 10:47 PM 0 comments

Cookies

I am going to do what I always do when I need a lift. I am making cookies to give to friends all over the neighborhood.

posted by Joel @ 7:05 PM 0 comments

Change

Having reluctantly left a relationship recently, I had an interesting conversation with a friend who works in family therapy. She told me that what therapists really do is act as catalysts for change. She says that the reason why people have problems is that they get into cyclical patterns of behavior and that these patterns are impossible to break unless something creates change. These cycles are created by both parties. Both are at fault, and only together can they overcome them. Although we weren't talking about my recent relationship, I realized that she was correct as far as my recent relationship was concerned, and probably every other relationship I've ever had. I tend to be a person of habit and I tend to enter into these cycles easier than better men.

Thus, breaking up stopped the cycle of behavior that I had created with my previous girlfriend--this cycle was driving her crazy and was making the relationship hard for me as well. This is how the cycle worked. We had a great time together most of the time. We would hang out, cuddle, and study together. Sometimes we would communicate well, but usually I would push to communicate until I could feel her closing up. Most of this time was great--at least until the end of the relationship. Then test time would come and she would close up and withdraw from me. Because we didn't communicate well, I would get jealous and upset without any reason for being upset. She would promptly respond with extreme affection, I would apologize, and we would start spending a lot of time together again. This continued to occur until she started to resent the fact that I didn't trust her, and that I wanted to take up all of her time. It was hurtful to her that she was hurting me and yet she didn't think she could change. I selfishly wanted her to change to what I wanted her to be in order to make our relationship work, but she didn't feel like she could ever be what I wanted. So we broke up.

Relationship dynamics change drastically when we break up--the cycle is broken completely. Even if we wanted to get back together, for it to be healthy, our patterns of behavior would have to change. As much as I miss her and love her, I'm not sure we could do it. Changing the dynamics of a relationship requires that both parties realize that changes are needed and are ready and willing to make those changes a reality in their lives.

posted by Joel @ 6:42 PM 0 comments

An Interesting Weekend

I'm home from a long weekend in Salt Lake City. I spent several nights at a friend's house with my roommate and his fiance. It really seemed to be what I needed this weekend--a nice distraction where I could meet new and interesting people. I also had the opportunity to spend time with a young man stricken with cerebral palsy. I really had the opportunity this week to get to know him and to understand how alive and vibrant his mind is. As I had the opportunity to help him in a variety of ways, I came to know him as a person. By the end of this weekend, I now consider him to be a very dear friend. I also learned that life is what you make of it. He is one of the happiest, most friendly, loving people that I know and he faces more difficult trials than most of us can even imagine. It is amazing how much my perspective on life has changed this weekend--I found my self more humble and teachable because of my interactions with my new friend.

posted by Joel @ 6:21 PM 0 comments